English Diary Entry

Roger L

Throwaway Daughter

Theme: Jane's perspective when Dong mei decided to explore her roots in China.

07/28/1999

Dear Diary

Today is a big day for our family, our lovely daughter Dong mei decided to make the journey to China. I supposed to be proud of her decision and give her my fully support. Wasn't I the open minded one? Insisting that Dong mei should stay connect to her roots, even calling myself "Mama number two." Taking her to Chinatown and encouraging her to take Chinese lessons, I should be the “great liberal”, unselfish and tolerant! Sustain Dong mei to track her birth mother Chun mei down and let go of Dong mei to do what she believe is the right thing to do. But just now, I feel myself like a hypocrite and a fool.

Once Grace announced that she would like an airline ticket to China for her combined birthday and graduation present at the dinner table, it stuck me like a punch in the stomach. I could hardly speak. But just a second the idea of losing her flashed in my head like a crow flying over. I wanted to say No, you can’t go, you are my daughter. I raised you! Insanely, I relived the aching sense of loss that only mother can understand.

Of course Dong mei has a right to know, to search out her birth parents. She’s entitled to have a relationship with them if she wants to. Its up to her and I know all that. But its different when it really happens to you. I certainly know that I don‘t want to share her with a stranger. She’s ours.

Let her go=.=
Jane